


Take Flight

by Pinx_B



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Future Fic, Heavy Angst, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24782677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinx_B/pseuds/Pinx_B
Summary: Severing the ties between them wasn't going to be a simplistic affair, regardless of the physical distance which had been formed..
Relationships: Ichigaya Arisa/Yamabuki Saaya
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33





	Take Flight

* * *

It was perturbing.

To return to the town in which she had grown up in. 

Everything remained the same, yet was startlingly different which was a portentous sign as it was. 

Like a piece of land that didn't fall into abandonment and perish, forever preserved in a forest where time didn't move. 

The visit was meant to be a fleeting one but she couldn't help herself, help but to stalk through their old grounds, the memories of a somewhat enjoyably adulthood springing to her mind.

Saaya was with her, even though she shouldn't be. 

Arisa shivered as she took a seat on the swings in the park, the area almost decaying and she wondered if it would crumble under their weight.

She looked at Saaya, the woman grinning at her in a way that made the blonde's stomach turn, "Don't worry, it'll hold".

"I don't believe you. You have a habit of lying, Saaya" she frowned but took a seat anyway.

"It was only _one_ lie".

"The biggest lie" Arisa corrected as she tested the waters of the decrepit swing set, her legs remaining planted firmly on the ground just in case it did collapse. 

Saaya chuckled, swinging freely.

The tenebrous night had settled, making the area feel more remote than usual, abstruse even. Above them, the transcendent moon was obstructed with plumes of grey clouds as the stripped trees around the park became highlighted by what light the moon could exude. 

It was..harrowing. 

Given that they were the only ones there, it was to be expected but Arisa welcomed the isolation, welcomed the quietness.

She had adjusted to the feeling quite well considering her circumstances. 

It gave her the chance to catch up with Saaya, away from worried glances of friends and family, away from the inane hubbub of outsiders. 

She only wanted to hear Saaya's voice, feel her skin, the warmth of her embrace and she was being given that opportunity just by delusions alone.

"Isn’t it weird being back here after all of these years, Arisa?".

"Yeah.." she murmured and slowly lifted her legs, thrusting forward slightly, "I'm surprised by how many of the old group were still here".

"Well, you've tried our bread. It isn't easy to forget" Saaya smiled bashfully and caught the blonde's eyes.

Arisa found it difficult to swallow the lump in her throat, constricting her of oxygen at the thought, "Forget, huh. No, it isn't possible". 

Saaya slowed her pace to match Arisa's as the forlorn look on her lover's face brushed up against her still heart. She wanted to reach out and touch her, to assuage her but doing so would cause them both more pain than reprieve.

She couldn't leave her, no matter what happened, Saaya couldn't stand the thought of parting with Arisa.

So coming back here seemed plausible, allowing her wounds to build up, the stream of crimson flowing freely, drowning them both.

"You know, it _is_ normal to not let go."

"You can't do that, Saaya" Arisa snapped, her head whipping towards the brunette, "I won't let you be dragged down like this". 

"Arisa.." Saaya pleaded but the woman next to her wasn't having it.

Tears glinted at the corner of Arisa's eyes as she swung her legs harder, increasing the celerity, anything to disrupt the direction of the conversation Saaya was gently trying to knead her into. 

She had to let go.

Faster.

She needed to let go.

Faster.

She had to leave her.

"Arisa! Slow down!". 

The damage was already irrevocable. 

It was an utterly reckless thing to do but she didn't care, she had to make Saaya realise that it couldn't be like this any longer, they had to move on. 

Arisa swung faster, higher, the otherworldly creaking of the swings signalling its demise, swaying in an eerie manner. The noise of the air around them became amplified, despite the foreboding silence as the incessant squeaking of the swings morphed the innocuous sounds into something more dubious. 

The blonde's hands dug into the chains, clutching on for dear life as the frigid breeze ripped through her hair, freezing Saaya's veins.

"Arisa, stop!" Saaya yelled, feeling helpless as she sat by, watching the woman she loved splinter before her eyes, "Please, I love you, we don't have to end this!".

It ached, burned Arisa to the core to hear it, hear her lover's pinched but mellow voice, filled with longing, desperation, restlessness.

It was enough to make her push her weight down, easing up the drastic speed she was going till she came to steady halt. Her breathing was ragged and she refused to look into the blue eyes that warmed her up in ways that no other could again.

She was shaking, not from the cold, but from the feeling of emptiness. 

"Don't tell me you can't leave me, Saaya, you have to" she warned, a tremor in her voice, "You lied to me so you don't get to make the decisions anymore".

"I didn't mean to lie to you" Saaya reminded, moving closer so that her swing brushed up against Arisa's, "I did it for you, for _us_. So that we can always be together".

"Enough, you know it can't be like this, please..".

"You have already gone through so much, I can't leave you when you are hurting like this, even now. I swore I would stay by your side, Arisa".

"Stop it!" she yelled and got off from the swing, the seat swinging back aggressively and almost hitting Saaya, "I don't want excuses for _why_ you lied, I don't care anymore" she sobbed when she turned to face the brunette who was walking up to her, arms outstretched but tentative, "I just want you to be happy, okay? You can't be as long as I'm around".

Saaya's face contorted into grimace at the tears in the blonde's eyes, the helplessness in the hazel orbs directed at her for going back on her promise, for lying to her. The side of her mind that had some sensibility left, as miniscule as it may have been, understood Arisa's need to expostulate. 

But grief was a wretched emotion. 

It rendered rationality immobile. 

"I need to be with you, even when you leave here, I am always with you, Arisa" Saaya said softly and reached the other woman, "It doesn't make a difference where we are and what you do, I'm always around" 

"But we can't keep doing this, it isn't healthy" Arisa pleaded.

"Why not?" Saaya refuted, "Nobody else has to know. They've moved on anyway".

"You know that isn't true" Arisa tried to reason, reaching her hand out only for Saaya to step back, glowering at her, "O-Tae, Kasumi, Rimi..they're worried about this too".

A slither of guilt flashed over Saaya's face but it dissipated just as quickly as she clenched her fist at the idea of letting Arisa go, not heeding anything her lover was saying, no matter how logical and reasonable it sounded. 

There was no need for logic or being reasonable because if she succumbed to those, Saaya would lose Arisa, forever.

"It doesn't matter anyway, there is no point anymore" Saaya weakly answered. 

"Don't say that".

Arisa shook her head, her patient smile reappearing as she moved closer to her devastated lover. Her hands rested on Saaya's upper arms even though she couldn't feel anything. The action was an effort to provide Saaya some refection and it was enough to satiate the grief running through her as she held back a choked gasp which escaped her mouth. 

"I love you, Arisa" she stated, "Not a day has gone by where I don't think about you, and it won't".

"Saaya..".

She pulled her in closer till she could rest her chin on top of the blonde's head, feeling the faint traces of her breath caressing the bare skin of her throat. 

It was ephemeral, a trick of the mind, this much Saaya was aware of.

A cruel ploy orchestrated by her wandering thoughts that were no longer stapled to reality. 

She felt small hands grasp at her clothes in a desperate attempt to feel something, _anything_ , but that wouldn't be the case.

They both had to let go now even if the idea of doing so was complete anathema.

"Do you know why I lied to you?". 

Arisa shook her head before pulling back to look at Saaya again, a sombre expression on her face as she twirled her fingers through the blonde locks.

"Why?".

"Because I don't know _how_ to, I can't accept being alone again".

Arisa sniffled, "But you are not alone, you have your family here still. And everyone else is too" she reminded. 

"Is it selfish of me to say that it isn't enough anymore?". 

Arisa searched for the woman's heartbeat, hovering her fading palm over it, "Only if you truly believe it you can. But I know you, Saaya. You know what you have to focus on, for your sake, for theirs and for mine" she spoke up, needing the drummer to hear her, "Do you understand now, _they_ need you and you need them. Please don't shut them out". 

The words resonated within the brunette's troubled mind as she thought back to the way she had closed herself off after what had occurred, unable to feel because Arisa wasn't there anymore. 

None of them were. 

As much as she tried to reach out to the hands of her family and friends, the comfort this Arisa provided was what she required. 

But it was fabrication, a mirage, one she had become a prisoner in. 

She had kept her lover imprisoned with her too. 

Saaya exhaled, breath tremulous as she stifled back the bitter taste of rationality seeping onto her tongue. 

She knew what she had to do in order to free Arisa as well as herself. 

"I understand that now and keeping you to myself has been selfish, painful for you so I'm so sorry, sweetheart" Saaya offered, "Going a day without you since..that night, I couldn't do it. I was selfish. That's why I lied to you when I said I'd let you go because I knew I couldn't. You, O-Tae, Rimi, Kasumi..".

Arisa bit her lip, the floodgates of her tears coming out as the cold around them intensified, atmosphere dropping in temperature in the derelict park that was once the remnants of their childhood. 

"You're all supposed to be here still, with me.." Saaya cried, "But you're _gone_ , and I've kept holding onto you, keeping you alive in my thoughts even though you..you..".

Died that night.

Arisa cupped Saaya's face, relief accumulating in her system, her soul, at Saaya's acceptance.

It had been too long, watching the woman she loved suffer.

Guilt shouldered Saaya, following her like a reaper. 

Always believing that she should have been in the car with them on that fateful night where they were heading to a show out of town. Saaya was going to join them later as she was taking care of her mother, arranging additional travel plans so she wasn't in the vehicle that the rest of Poppin'Party were in.

She wasn't in the car that was the victim in a collision so volatile that it was a miracle Arisa had even regained consciousness for a while.

Tae, Kasumi and Rimi were dead upon impact.

The grief never disappeared, their deaths lingered around the town like a foreboding stench that nobody could get rid of.

Life went on, as it often did. 

But their death stained everything that once made the town vibrant.

For Saaya, she carried the burden of their loss with her.

From the moment she was given the news, to the race to get to Arisa with a sickness in her stomach knowing that she wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye to Tae, Kasumi and Rimi.

Saaya believed she didn't deserve to be free of the guilt. 

But Arisa was _still_ there, there was a chance she could get through this, so Saaya hoped, begged, pleaded to whatever entity out there that would listen to her cries. 

But as was the twisted humour of fate, she was only spared a cursory few moments with Arisa, the woman barely conscious once she arrived.

Her body crumbled next to Arisa's, taking in her lover's mangled form on the hospital bed as doctors and nurses made her comfortable. 

Saaya was in tears, pleading to Arisa to hold on, just to wait for a little longer.

She didn't have a little longer. 

With what energy Arisa had left, her shaky hand remained on Saaya's face, wiping the tears as she pulled her in close, Saaya following and she knew what had to come.

A final kiss.

So bittersweet, so bloodied, so unfair that Saaya wanted to tear apart everything in that room but that would entail wasting the precious minutes Arisa had left.

The last few breaths to make Saaya promise that this wasn't going to be it for her. 

That Saaya would _live_ , not with regret or guilt.

That Saaya wouldn't ruminate in their loss.

Saaya promised it but she knew she was going to break it the second Arisa's eyes closed for the last time, her hand going limp and the machine next to her flat lining. 

The promise became futile at that moment as she would live out the rest of her days seeing figments of her lover and her friends, keeping them on the earthly plains. 

Not letting them rest because the thought of them leaving her, the thought of never seeing Arisa again was practically reliving their deaths all over again.

But it was damaging, she understood that now.

Nobody was benefiting from keeping their apparitions alive so Saaya crumbled, tears streaming down her cheeks as Arisa smiled, wiping them away just like the last time. 

"We'll always be with you, Saaya" Arisa softly said, lips barely grazing over her lovers, "It doesn't matter how it is, I'm _always_ with you. So long as you keep your promise to me".

"But I-". 

"Hey, no buts" Arisa chided gently as Saaya's form shook in her arms, "I love you. We all do. We want you to be happy again. You deserve to live" she whispered.

Saaya clenched her eyes shut, the euphonious words of her deceased lover hammering in her heart, feeling it starting up again as she felt the muscles and arteries come to life. 

It was logical, it was sensible, it was grief.

But one couldn't dig down and live in it because you end up becoming a corpse yourself.

"We want to see you sparkle and shine, as someone would say" she grinned, and Saaya couldn't help but laugh. 

She opened her eyes to see Kasumi, Tae and Rimi waving at her.

The rambunctious leader was grinning at her as she shone brighter than anything, even after death, thanking Saaya for believing in her and bringing so much to her life whilst supporting Asuka. 

Tae's softened expression melted Saaya further, motioning to look after herself, the rabbits and keep an eye on her parents, as well as thanking her for being the one who understood her.

Rimi smiled freely at Saaya, her red eyes alive as she thanked the drummer for being there for her, for loving them, providing her with her coronets and helping Yuri and her family through it.

Then there was Arisa, looking at her with nothing short of adulation. 

"You made us happy, you made _me_ happy. I was lost before I met you and you lead the way so, let me, let _us_ lead you for a change".

"Arisa .." Saaya said, voice trembling as she clutched the hands on her face, "I, I know what I have to do. It's just so hard".

"I know, Saaya" Arisa agreed, bringing her closer, "And it isn't going to be easy but I promise, it'll be worth it. When you can look back, knowing how much you did for us, knowing that you deserve the same".

Saaya sunk into the final embrace, the cogent words, so attuned with her as she held the smaller woman in hers arms, wondering how she was going to pry herself away from the tangible memory of the woman she loved and the friends she admired.

She had to let go now, right now, or else she would never muster the courage again to let them go.

The surfeit of grief had been accumulating for long enough and it was time to let it dull down, just enough for Saaya to get on with her life.

"I love you" Arisa said again and moved her lips to the corner of Saaya's lips, the cold feeling sinking into her skin, "I always will".

Saaya scrunched her eyes shut before opening them, heart dancing against her rib cage as she looked down at Arisa, smiling at her with so much warmth that it overtook the frigid night.

She had the many memories stored in her mind forever, she would have everything about them cemented into her thoughts and that was how they were going to live on. 

Through her emotions.

This was the only way to do this and Saaya had accepted that, taking a deep breath, eyes sparkling as she smiled at Arisa.

"That's better" she murmured softly before releasing her hold on Saaya and stepping back.

"Arisa.." Saaya said whilst forcing herself to hold back, her body taut as it fought her brain but the congenial look of her lover was enough to seat her to the spot, "I love you".

A breeze filtered passed the duo as Arisa smiled at Saaya, the rest of her heart finally coming to a lull as she soaked in Saaya one last time, knowing that this was the best way forward for her.

As much as it would hurt to not be around her, immersed in these private conversations, it was as she said, unhealthy for Saaya. 

Saaya had to keep going, keep on moving forward.

This wasn't a terminus. 

With a last wave, Saaya watched Arisa turn back, walking towards their friends. 

She simply looked on, her heart feeling lighter than it had done in years.

It was bittersweet, once again but she knew for the sake of those living, for those in the present, she had to push on.

After the grief she had been marred in, Saaya deserved happiness.

Even if the core of that had been cruelly taken away in the dead of the night, there was hope, a glimmer for her to move on.

To fulfil the wishes of her lover and best friends.

To fulfil her own wishes. 

The apparition of her lost loves flittered away and Saaya inhaled with renewed determination, allowing her lungs to become free of the dust that had cumulated, not being able to breath from their loss. 

It was cleaned and bought back to life by Arisa's words, by her best friends, by her family. 

Saaya needed to breath for them. 

She wiped her eyes as the looming night appeared lighter, not as suffocating and she looked around to find the park in the state it had been, before she succumbed to anguish. 

Everything was amended, stable and looked after, cared for.

Just like she was.

Forward was the only way for her if she was to carry the feelings of her band.

"For Poppin'Party.." she said softly. 

Out of the darkness, a familiar voice called out to her.

Her eyes snapped to the figure at the entrance of the park and surprised filled Saaya's mind at the woman stood there.

"Yamabuki-san?".

"Sayo-san?".

"Are you alright?" she asked whilst stepping closer, confusion etched on her face as she peered at Saaya. 

Saaya quickly wiped the rest of tears but a brief breeze wrapped around her before a particularly strong gust that sent her towards Sayo.

Maybe it was her mind playing tricks, maybe it was just a natural phenomena, but the drummer could have sworn she felt the familiar warmth of Arisa's aura behind her, giving her a much needed push and she smiled at that thought.

The thought of her lover wanting nothing but the best for her.

So she looked at Sayo's concerned face, the woman as striking as she last saw her, waiting for Saaya to accept the handkerchief she had offered. 

"I think I will be now, Sayo-san". 


End file.
